There comes a fun point in a man’s life when he stops dating girls and starts dating women. Girls, well, they’re great and all, but they’re still growing and finding themselves. Women, real women, know themselves, and don’t fuck about, thank-you-kindly. About six months or so ago I started seeing women.
I dated a woman who lived on the Upper East Side in her own apartment and we hung out and had quite a wonderful time together. She had an amazing bed. She had quite the laugh, too. It was full, and rich, and honest.
I remember once, we had been seeing eachother for a full month or so and things had been going great, and that day we had finished making love, which is different than fucking, much, much different, and it was the first time in a very long time that I had done that, making love, that is, and I said to her, I’ll never forget it, I said “You know, I want you to be my girlfriend.”
"That’s nice," she said. And I was devastated.
I was so devastated that I used that one instance to tank the relationship. Because I couldn’t understand why. Because I was trying to find an in. Because I wanted that validation and couldn’t get it. I acted out, blew her off a few times, one time on Christmas Day. She stopped seeing me soon after. And for good reason.
What I had failed to realize is that there are a hundred things that go into a real relationship – that one of those takes a lot of time and energy, and a hundred little inside jokes in order for it to work. You have to be their friend first and a lover second, not the other way around, it won’t balance that way, I don’t care how big your cock is.
If you want something real, make her laugh, buy her fucking flowers if you feel like it, do dumb shit together, try to cook for her and fail, but remember to laugh, laugh, laugh.
Always laugh, man. One of the best dates I’ve ever been on – we sat in a park and made fun of other couples in the park. It cost nothing, and it was glorious.
Women won’t wait around for a boy to become a man. Becoming a man takes time, and when it finally happens, hopefully you’ll be there with a Bugs Bunny knowing-grin and a ticket to a shitty movie for her that you can both laugh about on the car ride home. That’s, above any wild large romantic gesture like a ring and a ride on a horse, is what makes a relationship. Life is too short to race through to get to the supposed prize.
When I dated girls, I’d miss the sex. Dating women, now, I end up not missing the sex, I end up missing those little inside jokes. I really do. More than anything. I’m out here in California right now, away from New York, and right now I miss making shitty little inside jokes and laughing with someone back there. I do. It’s the absolute best. Her eyes when she is laughing kill me. I shouldn’t have typed that. Fuck it. It’s true. Whatever.
Laughter is a foundation. That’s what you build something on. Heck, it makes the sex better.
A lot of being able to to do that – to really laugh with someone – is to be present in the moment with them, and to not try and control the future, or manipulate the past. You just be with them. And you make fun of the guy in the too-tight blazer walking by your table together. Or she spills her coffee because you were doing an impression of your weird roommate and she laughed so hard she knocked it over.
That’s what matters, man. More than any candlelit dinner. You’re just going to shit that lobster out anyway in 12 hours. That laugh, though, will last for years.
Life is too short.