Editor of
Features Editor at Death & Taxes Magazine, contributor to The Week, Interview, and Vice Magazine.
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LIZZY: You know that thing where people are talking in a group…
NED: Right –
LIZZY: … and then everyone gets on their phones at once and it’s silent for two minutes while everyone checks their Facebook and email or whatever?
NED: I know! It’s so weird.
LIZZY: Is there a name for that?
NED: I honestly don’t know.
LIZZY: Have you ever, like, thought about having children?
NED: Well, yeah. How did you go from phones to children?
LIZZY: I was thinking about food.
NED: Right. Well, yeah. I’m 20-fucking-8 now. It’s about time to start thinking about putting babies into people, y’know. There’s more responsibility at this age. It’s fucking weird. I can’t make an excuse about “being in my mid 20’s”. I’m in my LATE 20’s now.
LIZZY: No more days in bed watching Netflix.
NED: Right. It’s all about resumes and business and sensible outfits now.
LIZZY: You can’t wear those Matrix pants anymore that you bought two years ago.
NED: Nobody can wear Matrix pants anymore.
LIZZY: Isn’t it awkward when someone asks you to watch their stuff while they go to the bathroom? It’s like “hey be responsible for my shit” and nobody wants that.
NED: People want the minimum amount of responsibility. It’s a shame that there’s so much of it out there. But yeah. Kids. It’s about time I wised up and stopped being so selfish.
LIZZY: Which explains who ate the entire pizza last night. Honestly. You act like I won’t notice an entire pizza missing.
NED: At least I’m not asking you to watch my stuff at a coffee shop.
LIZZY: Thank god.
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THANK GOD, Ned is back to having imaginary conversation with starlets. Oh, how I have missed this. Just the other day my...
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molly-hare said:
I’m so confused about whether this is real or not after the January Jones post. I mean, it’s entirely possible that you often order pizza with Lizzy Caplan.
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What a wonderful convo.
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