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Features Editor at Death & Taxes Magazine, contributor to The Week, Interview, and Vice Magazine.
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“If rent goes up anymore next month I’m going to key that fucking landlord’s car”, said Kermit, exhaling fastidiously.
“And another thing,” he said “I’m not sitting in a car while you and Genevieve swan around Home Depot for eight straight hours forgetting that all you went in for was a goddam broom and come out with half your share of the electric bill in knick-knacks”.He ashed and looked out the window.
“Your coffee’s going cold”, I said.
“Fuck the coffee”, said Kermit.
He was silent for a while as he stared out the window.
“I really miss Miss Piggy”, he said after a long minute, and took a deep sigh.
“We all miss Miss Piggy”, I said.
“You don’t even fucking know the half of it”, said Kermit, and as he turned to me I saw that he was close to crying, his eyes dewy and round like the midday sun behind a bank of clouds. He’d been like this for the last three weeks. Sure, some things would bring him out of it, but the next day it’d be right back to this - staring out of the window or furrowing his brow in a newspaper. I thought of something to say.
“Genevieve and I are going to D.C”, I said. “To the Jon Stewart rally. You know. It’ll be a good time.”
“Fuck that”, said Kermit, exhaling through his nose and ashing his cigarette for the third time that minute “I’m not sitting in a car for eight straight hours from Chicago to some lawn in D.C while you - “
“You don’t have to hurt us”, I snapped curtly to Kermie “It’s not our fault she moved on”
“Fuck you”, said Kermit. I knew that I wasn’t going to get any more out of him that morning.“Have it your way”, I said.
He didn’t reply.
“Do you want any more coffee?”, I said, standing over the sink, ready to pour the still hot remains of the pot of strong coffee into the sink.
“I’m fine. Thanks for asking”, said Kermit.
“I - “
“Y’know”, Kermit interrupted “Y’know, I can be a real asshole some times, huh?”
I laughed.
“Yeah, yeah you can”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s alright”, I said, and for once his eyes showed a familiar spark. He seemed happy, if only for a brief second.
“I think I will have the rest of that coffee”, he said, and took a sip of what was left. I poured the rest in, and he looked at me.
“It’s not easy being green”, he said.
“I can only imagine, Kermit”.We were silent and finished our coffee while I read the newspaper.
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