May 2010
On The Road Again.
This would be the third time in nine months that I’ve packed up everything I own into my car and left Los Angeles, swearing that I’d never return.
I am never going to be Brad Pitt.
Winning At Life, 1998-2010.
1998.
For three weeks, I thought I was playing ‘footsie’ with Natasha Sarkisian, the babiest babe in all of 7th grade. As it turns out, I was merely playing footsie the whole time with the desk leg. Natasha now thinks I’m “weird”.
1999.
For the Millennium party, I wear bellbottoms and a sparkly blue dress shirt. At the time, I remember being inspired by the movie...
So, Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs is actually a really good movie.
I’m just sayin’.
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Current News Topics as filtered in my brain.
The Oil Spill. Man. That sucks. Sucks almost as much as the freelance budget for any publication at the moment. Woof. NOBODY wants to buy my 500 word essay on the correlation between how many cats a woman has and how crazy she is on dates. Nobody.
Earthquakes! Oh man! Shitty! Newsweek guy emailed me back. Guess he doesn’t like cats or first dates.
Gary Coleman died. I wonder if he would...
A list about oil which turns halfway through into...
Why do we have such a dependency on oil?
Ride more bikes.
No wait, scratch that. Fuck hippies.
Do hippies ride bikes? I’m confused.
Something something someone said something about ‘getting somewhere on your own two feet’. Isn’t that what this is all about?
Clearly I was mistaken when the gypsy said I was “going to be a huge success”. I should have asked...
Charlie Chaplin ‘The Great Dictator: Look...
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The Muppet Show Theme
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Sammy Davis Jr ‘Singing In The Rain’
Recipie for a successful blog.
1/2 - Chicken Soup For The Emo In All Of Us.
1/2 - Rip Taylor jokes.
Dash of tears from being unable to connect “in real life”.
Awesome hair.
Nouvelle Vague “Too Drunk To Fuck”
You can now search my blog a little easier.
There’s a “Best Of”, “Gourmet Stoner Food”, and “Dad” section now on the sidebar on the front page.
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You can now subscribe to the 'This American Wife'... →
(Insert dick joke here for pacing)
Ever since getting bonked on the head by a 50lb bag and being told that I could have broken my neck had I not been reading (thank you, Miranda Kerr issue of GQ), it’s given me every opportunity to realize how fucking lucky I am. Add that too often verges into terrible bouts of self righteous bullshit - all that “be grateful” Hang-In-There-Cat shit. But it really made me think...
be-kavalier asked: Goddamn I love your craigslist posting and I will buy anything that you ever write.
That is all, good luck in New York, dear internet acquaintance.
That is all, good luck in New York, dear internet acquaintance.
David Cross ‘I Can’t Get Beer In...
buy my Xbox. →
“I’m like a bird, I’ll only fly away. I don’t know where my home is”
- Nelly Furtado
“I eat birds. Thank God for Popeye’s hot sauce. If I roll my windows up it’ll be too hot to sleep in, but if I leave them down I will get robbed” - Ned Hepburn
fivefifteen asked: Hi Ned Hepburn, just wanted to let you know that I think you're super funny and I can't wait to read what you end up writing for Nerve. Where do you come from originally?
List of most-watched television series finales -... →
There’s “LOST” at #55 (13.6 million people). Over six times as many people watched the #2 on the list “Cheers” finale (80.4 million people).
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Gary Glitter ‘Rock n Roll Pt II’
Dopamine System in Highly Creative People Similar... →
rainier:
New research shows a possible explanation for the link between mental health and creativity. By studying receptors in the brain, researchers at Karolinska Institutet have managed to show that the dopamine system in healthy, highly creative people is similar in some respects to that seen in people with schizophrenia. “Thinking outside the box might be facilitated by having a somewhat...
Beck ‘MTV Makes Me Want To Smoke...
The Bunny Burgers Prank (Video) - Urlesque →
BY THE GENIUS SCRIBE THAT IS NED HEPBURN.
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WOOF.
To move to NYC at the beginning of June wouldn’t make financial sense. Read on, if this is your sort of thing to read.
Just talked to a few people I trust - including Nerve.com, where I’d be working - and we all seem to agree on the same point that I’d need more time. You know, to sell the Xbox (which I only use to drive around Fake New York in GTA4, anyway). I’d have...
Marvin The Paranoid Android ‘Reasons To Be...